Political parties as professions

This is just a bit of fun I was having on Twitter with the election campaign on and thought I would turn into a blog post - imagining what our political parties would be if they had to get up every morning and go to work [h/t Sasha Hunter for that last thought].

The Tories: South West London estate agent

Well-scrubbed, suited and booted, posh or ‘aspirational’ or both, originally from the Home Counties, keen to ‘make it in the property market’. Says ‘Yah’ a lot.

Labour: Local authority 'equalities' officer

Well-meaning, but tangled up in convoluted ideology and bureaucracy; nevertheless convinced that more convoluted ideology and bureaucracy is the way forward; partly lost sense of itself but still packs plenty of political clout.

UKIP: Builder

No-nonsense at best, uncouth and bigoted at worst; unreliable, ‘likes a drink’, resentful at all these Eastern European builders coming in and doing a better job for less money.

The Lib Dems: Lawyer (EU level)

Internationalist; in love with the European Union and making a good living off it, flitting between Brussels, Luxembourg and London. Generally competent and decent, but tends to over-estimate its worthiness; like any good lawyer, will take the view of whoever does the hiring [h/t Kathie Clark  for that thought].

The Greens: Student or full-time activist

Nice but young and gullible; head full of theory and self-righteousness, but not done much questioning yet. Hasn’t had a job in ‘the real world’; trustafarian or at least from a wealthy family; total devotion to saving the world, but won’t stray far from fellow travellers.

For more on not-dissimilar topics, see The Labour Party and other party politics page.